Monday, April 30, 2012

Bacon and the Undead - the New PB&J

There are some things that just go together, like peanut butter and jelly, barbeque and beer, me and another cup of coffee (hmmm. That's a good idea. *writer leaves to refresh her cup of coffee. Returns, sipping happily.*). And thanks to America's passion for fatty foods and zombies, you can add another pair to the list of happy couples: Bacon and the Undead.

The pairing has been around for a while. There was even a time when the Think Geek website had Bacon and Zombies as a product cateogry. But there was little to really connect the two things together, besides major demographic cross-over. In fact, there was only one product that expressly addressed the combination: Tac-Bac, Tactical Canned Bacon. Enjoy the taste of crisp bacon every day, without needing to leave your shelter and fight off the encroaching zombie horde.

But now, in the fabulous year of 2012, a product has come that perfectly expresses the beautiful harmony between Bacon and the Undead. It's the bacon coffin! Painted on the outside to look like bacon, and decked out on the inside with every amenity a corpse could desire.

But Maryanne, aren't coffins for the dead-dead and not the undead? Excellent question. The answer is that the bacon coffin is made for both. It comes with a built in bacon air freshener. Imagine, as you reanimate, smelling bacon all around you. Assuming that you can smell anything. And if you can't that's still okay, because you'll be able to emerge from the coffin smelling like bacon. Instead of running away from zombie-you in terror, people will run too you. You will be undead bacon bait. Perfection.

I really want someone to use one of these coffins in a movie. And to mix things up a little, it should be a vampire who pops out of the coffin, instead of a zombie. A unique variant of vampire, he would exist on blood and salty snack foods. Like barbeque flavored chips, or pork rinds (hmmm. *writer leaves to retrieve a bag of pork rinds. Returns, munching happily.*)

It won't be long before people are throwing bacon themed funerals. Imagine the food at the wake. Ooh, I hope they served those little bite-sized pieces of pineapple wrapped in bacon...and BLT sandwhiches dripping in Baconnaisse...

Clearly I need to stop writing and make myself a proper lunch. Until next time, stay alive and eat your bacon!