Sunday, February 27, 2011

Zombie T-Shirt!!!

Check out the zombie t-shirt "Acquired Taste" by patrickspens at shirt.woot!  Who says zombies can't be cute?

Okay, so you traditionalists don't think zombies should be cute.  Fine.  There's a shirt out there for your, too.  Try "Nevermore" by haxrox.  It's a picture of a raven, constructed out of the words from Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven."  It's been a best seller on the woot site for more than 100 weeks.

Happy shopping! 

Friday, February 25, 2011

Mutant of the Week - Chainsaw Landshark

While the UBA was on hiatus Quantum Duck's Mutant of the Week ran on, full steam ahead.  Much respect to artist Jesse Garson of eYE iN tHE hAT PRODUCTIONS.  He keeps drawing these Mutants in his spare time while being gainfully employed and having a life.  Some day I will learn the secret of how he does it.  Can't be caffeine; I've tried that...

Anywho, I usually present the Mutant of the Week with some literary fanfare.  A poem, some bad puns, etc.  Not this week.  The portrait of this week's Mutant took my breath away.  Here it is, a picture worth a thousand words:

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Doctor's Serenade

Valentine's Day is behind us, but that doesn't mean its too late for a love poem.  After all, love is forever.  So here's some romance, monster style.

Doctor's Serenade

Peculiar things happened to me
on my way to loving you.

I leaned against a crumbling wall, staring at the moon.
I looked around and realized how I was missing you.
There is no life without your love.
I know this to be true.
So I jumped the wall and ran to town, searching
My love
For you.

Things got weird after that.  Any other guy could have just taken a stroll.
Oh, peculiar things happened to me
on my way to loving you.

Townspeople were not glad to see my ever frozen smile
They loosed the hounds and gave me chase for miles
and miles and miles
Why the fuss?  Why must they our special love defile?

You hold my heart in your hands.
I vowed nothing would stop me
on my way to loving you.

They think you mad!  I heard them say you bring the dead to life.
Me, I think you're cute when you are playing with a knife.
Let them say you're mad! I know that you suffer genius' strife.

You call it what?  A scalpel?

That doesn't rhyme with much. 
Let me see...the pope wasn't involved, not even a little bit.  No rhyme there.
No one threw an apple.  The townspeople had pitchforks and torches; nothing that rhymes with scalpel.

So many torches lit the path
I ran to loving you.

They chased me round and round the tower
Torches burning bright
The townspeople seemed intent on setting me a light!
I punched my way through bricked-up door, longing for the sight...

Of the woman who knows me inside and out.
Oh, I am all a flame
from the race to loving you.

My darling, it has been too long since I looked in your eyes,
And since I heard your sweet, loving, clinical sighs
But now is no time to declare my arms were attached too high.

Really, they're fine.  I like them there.  Stop it; I need those!  The townspeople are coming.
My love, she who holds my heart, we must prepare to...wait a minute.
That's not my heart in your hands.  That's my spleen.
Why are you holding my spleen?

Monday, February 21, 2011

And...We're Back!!

Whew! That was a long, unexpected blogging hiatus. I knew remodeling an old grain silo and making it zombie / vampire / sorcerer proof would take some time, but I didn't expect it would take over my life. All done now; new home and new offices of the Undead Bar Association are complete.

But before we let all the remodeling dust settle, there's one thing left to change...the blog.

First, the blog is going to have more variety. The UBA is about more than just cases, and the blog needs to reflect that. You'll be getting more poems, bad puns, zombie photos, the occasional book / story review. And mutants, by the marvelous Jesse Garson. There will be something posted on the blog Monday, Wednesday and Friday with the occasional bonus Sunday post.

The blog will also be more interactive. We'll be doing polls, asking your opinion on story direction and details, and asking what features you want to see.

Tomorrow I'll post a summary of the current story to date, and we'll jump back into the action.

So stay tuned!

- Maryanne Wells